


Appearances

by scarebeastly



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied Relationships, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 09:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12981147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarebeastly/pseuds/scarebeastly
Summary: Jonathan never really liked the way he looked. Is there anything more to say?





	Appearances

     Jonathan never liked the way he looked, nor cared about his appearance. He was, in so many ways, grotesque.  
     He was so much taller than average. Hair, a ratty mess. Amber-colored eyes, unlike anyone else he knew. Emotions were so erratic, so unstable unlike everyone else. Scars ran across his body, from the past and present. Hands were never smooth, nor did he ever recall not having wrinkles. And years upon years of knowing this exposed the man to an ultimate truth of the world he lived in: simply put, he was ugly, inside and out.

    But as ugly as he was, Edward never treated him that way. Not entirely. Were they still incredibly appalled, disgusted, vexed, irritated, and who knows what else towards him? Absolutely. But when it came to his appearance, they never insulted that. His personality, yes; his obsession with fear; his impulsivity; his drinking— all of that was fair game. But they still cared. Out of all of the people in his life, Edward was one of the few who actually cared about him.

  
     And that, that very thing, caused Jonathan to feel something new. It was like the light, warm feeling he got when he drank, without the dizziness; like the highs he received from chemical accidents and crimes without the danger; like the fear he felt running from the Bat. But at the same time, it was unlike anything he felt before.

  
Was it love? Could it be love?  
     The thought ran through his head, but the very concept felt wrong. Wrong, as if there were some innate evil to how he felt.

 _But maybe— maybe it wasn’t, maybe—_  
Jonathan needed a drink.

     So as always, he drowned his feelings. He drowned the highs without risk, drunkenness without illness, and the fear without danger once again. He drank to hide his feelings, to drown them to depths that never revealed themselves, to ease concerns on how he looked, and to suppress everything— everything he hated about himself.  
For appearance’s sake, Jonathan was a drunk. He dared not feel anything but the numbness of drink, and it made him content with being himself.

  
                    ~~~~~

 

     Edward, as much as they loathed to admit it, let alone feel it, cared about Jonathan. Behind his mess of hair, scars, and alcoholism was a man, they knew. But that man never showed. Instead there was Jonathan, the admittedly rather handsome man— rather handsome only by appearance.

  
     They were disappointed, as always, to find him drunk. They hated this.

     The former doctor was talented, was smart enough to head an asylum and create a fear toxin, albeit weak. And even with his mind astray and slowed by alcohol, there were signs of genuine intelligence, proof that he was more than a pretty face.

     At times, the intelligence they admired showed. Not as much as it used to be, but on sober days, it existed. But sober days hardly lasted. They never really hated _him_ , they hated his drinking. It made him so much worse than he was, made him more impulsive and disinhibited instead of the oddly endearing awkwardness he often wore. It made him disgusting, instead of an adorable frog to dissect and pull apart.

     But instead, Jonathan was the pathetic drunkard. The drunkard they constantly care of, in the hopes that maybe one day he would be better. But not today. Or yesterday. Edward hated this, as they always did.


End file.
